I have lived in twenty towns/cities/military bases, in five countries, during my fifty two years of life. I have left many homes behind. I've known the trepidation of beginning again in a new environment, the frustration of searching, yet again, for new childcare, doctor and hair dresser (essentials wherever one lives!), and the loneliness of being, once again, the new kid in town.
The result of this nomadic lifestyle is a phenomenon that occurs every four to five years. My ears tune into conversations about distant places, my eyes notice every moving van in the neighbourhood, my feet start a restless dance and my heart beats faster in anticipation of a major change in my life. I don't know what it feels like to have roots, to have a hometown, or friends who have known me all my life.
I first moved to Victoria in 1972 when I was not quite fourteen years old; the move was the most difficult one I made with my parents. I was at that awkward, adolescent age and was moving from a small military base in northern New Brunswick where my peers were accustomed to new kids in their school every fall to a city on the other side of the country, in a province I knew nothing about, where most of my new classmates had known each other since kindergarten. My first year in Victoria was a lonely one and I spent a lot of time by myself exploring the beaches and coves near my house. This is when my love of the ocean was born and this is when, as I walked down Head Street on my way home from school every day, I fell in love with the mountains.
When I left Victoria five years later to live and travel in Britain I was sad to say goodbye to family and friends but didn't feel any particular connection to the city I was leaving. As the years passed, however, I realized that Victoria was the closest I had ever come to having a hometown. I found that I could still picture the beautiful sight of the Parliament Buildings lit up at night that I could see from my bedroom window, I could hear the sound of the foghorn, could almost smell the ocean, missed the majestic mountains I had taken for granted. I had come of age here; gotten my first job, kissed (really kissed!) my first boy, graduated from high school, left home to venture out on my own. The house on Anson Street, in Esquimalt, was the last home I shared with my parents. As the years passed and I continued to move from place to place, buried my parents and older sister, married and divorced, and raised my 3 daughters, I often thought of this beautiful city. After a brief stint teaching English in Oman in the fall of 2005 I found myself back in Edmonton, the city I had moved my daughters and I to in 2001 in the hope of finding work as a teacher. My short stay in Oman had brought home to me how much I missed the ocean and the mountains so I said to myself "You need to find a job and a place to live anyway, why not go back to Victoria? You know you've always wanted to."
And so, I came back. Five years ago I thought coming here was about returning home, and maybe putting down roots. I hoped to connect with friends from my past, people who knew the me I used to be. Instead, I made new friends, people who helped point me toward a path I still need to walk. I'm not ready to put down roots yet - there is still a lot of traveling I want to do, many things I need to experience.
Now I am leaving again. This time it wasn't just hard saying goodbye to family and friends. This time I found it really difficult to leave this beautiful city. I didn't want to get onto the highway that would bring me up island where I am staying until I leave Canada. I drove around for quite awhile saying a silent farewell to my favourite places, soaking up the magnificent view of ocean and snow-capped mountains, smelling the salty air, listening to the cry of the seagulls(who usually just annoy me because they are loud and crap all over my car!), wondering when I will be back in this city I have come to love so much. I don't ever remember my heart feeling so heavy about leaving a place. I am excited about the prospect of spending the next 3-5 years following my passions of teaching, traveling and writing but I am really going to miss Victoria.
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