Friday 20 July 2012

RAMADAN KAREEM


It has been four months since I last wrote in my blog. So much has happened I can't possibly write about it all so I will just touch on the main events.

My daughter Alexandra is now Doctor Jackman. She was married to a wonderful young man on June 2, graduated from the University of Alberta Medical School on June 8, and began her residency in pediatrics on July 1st. My daughter Charelle will embark on post graduate studies at Queen's University in Kingston in September, working on her Masters and Phd. In Behavioral Neuroscience. My daugher Jordyn survived the challenges of her gap year, growing in wisdom and maturity. She will be starting at the University of Winnipeg in September.

I recently enjoyed six weeks in Canada spending time with family and friends. I watched with love and pride as my eldest daughter and her husband exchanged their wedding vows, and as Alex walked across the stage at her graduation ceremony. I went on a road trip with each of my two youngest daughters – short trips but still very special times. I basked in the warmth of my girls' love and laughter, spent as much time in their company as I could, soaked up the sights, sounds and smells of summer in my native country and eventually, with mixed feelings, boarded a plane to return to Riyadh.

Between leaving my job in Kuwait and starting this job in Saudi I lost four months of work this year, which completely derailed my financial plans but I should be back on track after another year here. I am still working on being away from Canada for another 4 or 5 years, possibly in the Middle East, possibly spending a year or two in the Far East.

I left for Canada at the end of the semester just as exams were starting. It was sad saying goodbye to my students, I'd grown very fond of them, and particularly close to a few of the girls. The happiness and fulfilment I felt in the classroom made up for the restrictions and frustrations I sometimes faced outside it.

Life in Riyadh can sometimes be challenging but it is interesting, the people are generally warm and welcoming, I am meeting and making friends with people from all over the world, and I am learning and growing as I continue this journey I began almost one year ago. I miss my family and friends, I miss my beautiful city by the sea, but I am excited to see where this road I am travelling will take me. I am not ready to turn around yet.



Thursday 22 March 2012

FINAL DETAILS - FINALLY!


Not surprisingly the plans I thought would be finalized over three months ago weren't. I am beginning to wonder if inefficiency and insensitivity are endemic in this field I have chosen to enter. I have had dealings with at least five recruiting companies since I began my job search last spring and I have yet to come across one that truly cares about it's employees; every single one of them has treated me the same way. The representatives seem genuine and caring at first, then gradually the contact lessens and in some cases disappears altogether. The questions I asked were unanswered, my concerns not addressed. I have talked to teachers who have been blatantly lied to, who were told they would have single accommodation, that their visa and medical expenses would be reimbursed, etc., none of which turned out to be the case. Teachers have been assured they were going into 'top notch' accommodation by recruiting agents who have obviously never left their cozy western offices to actually check this out. Teachers have had flights from hell getting from their home countries(including myself - travelling from Vancouver to Kuwait via Houston!), have walked into filthy apartments and into a work situation that does not in any way resemble the one described during their interviews. The more I encounter this kind of mayhem the more seriously I think about starting my own company somewhere down the road. In the meantime I need to work, and I want to teach, so I am eternally grateful that things finally got moving.
      I was offered a position teaching English in the Preparatory Program at King Saud University in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. I have had the position since I signed the contract on December 25th, the frustrating part was waiting to get my visa sorted out. As if to prove the all-pervasiveness of Murphy's Law in my life, Canada chose the time I was looking for work in Saudi Arabia to start a pissing contest with that country regarding visas. After many false starts and disappointments, sleepless nights, a stress level I'm certain sent my blood pressure soaring, and even a few tears I finally received the long awaited visa, followed surprisingly quickly by a ticket to Riyadh.
      It was so hard not to slip into depression during those three long months I spent in England. I had nothing to do, I could see my financial goals slipping away, my future was looking decidedly uncertain - I couldn't help but question where my life was going. Seriously, was I Hitler in my previous life?! What did I do to deserve such crappy karma? What lesson(s) was I supposed to be learning from all this? Was I ever going to get to follow my passions? Would there ever come a time when I didn't have to worry about money? I have found answers to some of those questions, some I'm still working on.
      At times I feel like I wasted so much time during those months. I should have made great strides toward finishing my book - which didn't happen - I wasn't in the right frame of mind to to be creative. I should have worked out three times a day and be looking fabulous by now-not! But when I'm not so hard on myself I acknowledge that those months were not wasted. I was lucky to have the company of my youngest daughter for a month between her nanny adventures abroad. We walked, talked, laughed, explored, went on pub crawls(just small ones!); it was a wonderful time I am so grateful to have had. I had the privilege of spending more time under the same roof as my sister Sue than we've spent together in over thirty years. I had times with her (and my brother-in-law) when I laughed until the tears poured down my face. I had visits with my sister Kim - some good, some hard - all moments I'm glad I didn't miss. After six years apart I am so grateful I had the chance to spend this time with my sisters; I've learned from bitter experience that we don't always get another chance, another moment with those we love. I got to know my nieces and nephew, spent time with cousins, visited my parents' and sister's grave, and found the graves of my grandmother and great grandmother.
      I did actually work out sometimes and I walked - a lot - including a few strolls down memory lane.  I went to Birkenhead as often as I could and walked all over that city where my parents grew up and where they are buried. I found myself really missing my mother; there were so many things to remind me of her, so many places I remember going with her. Even after all these years I still miss my mom - wish I still had her to turn to when I'm lonely and frightened, when I need someone to advise and reassure me.
      I was so frustrated and worried by the delays in getting my Saudi visa but in the end I was glad I hadn't left England sooner than I did. One of my mother's cousins died a week before I left and it meant so much to me that I was able to attend her funeral. Like several others of mom's cousins Iris was more than just a cousin; she was a like a sister to my mother. She and her husband Richie were there with us the night my father died, they helped make my mother's funeral arrangements; they have always been there to support us in our losses and celebrate with us in the good times. Iris is one of the four cousins I always call as soon as I arrive in England. I always make sure I see her and Richie when I'm there. Unfortunately the visit we had in December was the last one I would ever have with that generous, loving, special lady. After everything she has done for my family it was important for me to be there for her family to show my love and respect; so I ceased to question why I had to wait so long to get where I wanted to go. There is a reason for everything - we just don't always see it.
      So here I am in the land of Sinbad and Alladin and magic carpets! I used to dream about this part of the world when I was a child, now I am living in my third Middle Eastern country and can truly believe I will realize my dreams of travelling extensively in this area and in Africa. Settling into my apartment is a challenge, but one I will have to conquer. My kitchen - which used to be a hallway - is half the size of the tiny gallery kitchen in my apartment in Victoria and is not equipped with hot water! The window in my living room opens into an air shaft so it lets in very little light. We have not been provided with a table and chairs so must eat and do schoolwork on our laps or the coffee table. I was extremely lucky in Oman and Kuwait to have 'western' bathrooms with a bath tub installed but my luck has run out. Here I only have what is commonly referred to as an "Arab" bathroom; there is no tub or even a shower stall - only a drain in the floor. Every time I have a shower the floor(and sometimes the toilet and sink) gets soaking wet and has to be mopped out. I really thought that would drive me crazy and I wouldn't be able to handle it, but it is surprising what one can get used to, cleaning up afterward has just become part of my shower routine. Doing laundry in the old-fashioned washer is a bit challenging but I only do that once a week so I'm surviving. I'm keeping my ears open for a better apartment to come empty in the building but they all have their own problems and we all just have to deal with the situation as best as we can.
      I really like my two classes; the girls are eighteen to twenty year old science students (our campus also has medical students.) who are completing a preparatory year in English before beginning work on their degrees. I am a woman and the mother of three daughters; I love the audacious spirit, the bubbly conversation, the unique energy and enthusiasm of the female species. These beautiful young Saudi women are no different from my young daughters and their friends in Canada. They are bursting with ideas and enthusiasm, they are bright and energetic, they are passionate and generous. They were a little wary of me at first, which is understandable because they have had several teachers come and go over the past months, but once they knew that I would be with them until they finished the semester and realized that I truly care about them they welcomed me in true Arab fashion - generously and without reserve! After three weeks of teaching my girls I can truly say that I have not had a bad day. I have had moments of exasperation, a couple of instances of speaking strictly to some girls, and have had to compromise on my usual tolerance of noise level in the classroom, but I have not once left the campus feeling disheartened or defeated. The girls talk - a lot! They talk in Arabic when they should be talking in English. Sometimes they are tired and unmotivated. Sometimes they are preoccupied with an upcoming exam in another class and not giving my English class the focus it deserves. But always they are respectful and responsive to my requests(okay-not always the second I ask-but eventually!), and never are they rude or ignorant or deliberately disruptive. There is not one girl of the forty eight I teach who I dislike. After some of the absolute crap I had to put up with as a teacher in the Canadian public education system being with these girls is a breath of fresh air.
      The English instructors here all work with a team teacher sharing two classes. For the unit we are currently working on I am teaching the reading and writing components so I plan one (100 minute) lesson from that text and teach it to both our classes and my co-teacher teaches the listening and speaking components. Each unit we switch roles, and we teach that curriculum three days of the week.  There are two other subjects the students have in English, each one day per week. One is Self Learning, which gives them interesting topics to work on while improving independent study skills; there is a department that handles this curriculum and plans the lessons, the teachers just have to teach them. The other subject is called Continuous Assessment and this term the girls were working on the writing process, from brainstorming to final draft. Again, most of the preparation is done by a separate department and given to the teachers to present to the students.  I teach Self Learning to one of my classes and Continuous Assessment to the other. We don't have to mark the students class work and these two subjects have minimal formal assessment so the marking work load is hardly a burden. Still, amazingly, I have heard teachers complain! After all the preparation and marking, all the student and administration demands and drama I had to cope with in Kuwait I feel like I have died and gone to heaven! We also have to provide cover for absent teachers but whereas in Kuwait I never knew when I would have to do that(and could do it several days in a row) here we all have one day per week when we have to be available and would(except under extreme circumstances) only cover one class that day. Of course I am benefiting from being part of an almost complete staff quota. Those teachers who started in September when the university was severely understaffed regularly taught three and sometimes all four classes each day. I am aware I could be in the same situation next fall if I am still here. There are two shifts at the university, am(which is from 7-3) and pm(from 8-4), which is my shift. Our bus(which is actually just a large van)leaves our apartment building at 6:50 sharp(if you miss it you have to find your own ride to work and will be docked pay if you are late) and usually arrives on campus around 8:00, depending on traffic. I have the first three hours free for planning and admin stuff(my office hours for students who need to see me/get extra help are from 8-10 but teachers only rarely have students come during that time). We do have to attend professional development sessions sometimes during the morning but(unlike some teachers) I have no complaints about that, the training is relevant and usually brief. My first class is from 11:35-1:25 and my second from 1:50-3:20. We sign out at 3:45 and head for the bus that takes us back to our apartment. The day flies by - especially when I am with my students - I am in my element there and thoroughly enjoying being in the classroom again!
      There are definitely challenges to being a woman over here. I am already used to wearing an abaya(the long, black, sort of over-coat women have to wear over their clothes) whenever I go out. We have to wear our abayas and a headscarf when we walk between the bus and the small building we first enter on campus. In there everyone, including the students, removes their scarves and abayas, then we cross a small courtyard and enter the preparatory building. I wasn't told before I came here that we weren't allowed to wear pants to work(could have saved myself some of the expense of excess baggage if I had been!). I thought we would be able to because the campus is all women, but the girls are not allowed to wear pants so I guess it wouldn't be fair if the teachers wore them. When we go out(and we are strongly encouraged from going out alone)we wear the abaya but as foreign women we don't have to wear head scarves. However some women have been told to cover their heads when they were in public so I have been wearing a scarf loosely around my neck in case I need it! Those of you who know me well can appreciate how much of a learning curve this experience is for me! I know I am really going to miss the freedom of coming and going as I please, and the exercise and stress relief walking outdoors gives me, but there are several women in my building who like to walk so we go out together most evenings. It isn't the same as at home and already I miss my mountains and ocean, but at least I get outside for some fresh air and exercise!
      Obviously the big plus that brings most of us here is the money, which is pretty good. My accommodation leaves a lot to be desired but it's free. Transportation to and from work and two shopping trips per week are provided(and taxis are quite cheap for trips we want to take by ourselves). This first month has been expensive as I had to buy things for the apartment - this is the worst supplied flat of the three countries I have been in in the Middle East - many of the things teachers buy should be provided by the company. In future, though, I will only have to pay for my groceries(which are a bit more expensive than I was expecting, but still my only major expense), my daily cappuccino at the campus cafeteria(under $2.00 so a justifiable treat!), and maybe a supper out on our Thursday shopping trip. So I will soon get caught up on my financial plan which went awry during three months of not working!
      Those are the final details - and then some! Despite the detour of three months in Kuwait(which , although it was the wrong setting for me, was not a wasted journey), despite the frustration and stress of finding another teaching position, and despite the challenges I have encountered since arriving in Riyadh I do not regret leaving the safety and comfort of home. Challenges are good; they shake us out of our complacence. Change is good; it provides us with an opportunity to grow. Meeting new people, experiencing new environments, conquering challenges and adapting to change is sometimes difficult and frightening; it is also rewarding and exciting. It is an adventure - it is not for the weak of heart.

Sunday 1 January 2012

SISTERS


Once we were four now we are three,
Sisters, my sisters,
You mean so very much to me.

You are the younger sisters, I the older,
I always felt I had to be stronger and bolder,
Wanted to provide you with a strong shoulder.

But I know that I haven't always been there with you,
To help you with all the loss and pain you've been through,
I wish this big sister could always protect you like I used to do.

The first time I saw my new baby sisters I fell victim to your charms,
I helped to feed you, changed you, cradled you in my young arms,
I took you for walks, played with you, tried to shield you from harms.

You were still just children when your older sisters left home,
It seemed I just turned around and from girls to women you'd grown,
How did it happen that we all travelled down such different roads?

Time passed, we all got older and continued on our separate ways,
The time between visits with my sisters turned to years not days,
I missed you, felt your absence on my heart like a weight.

We have disagreed, been unforgiving, sometimes unkind,
But, always, in times of loss each other we would find,
That is what a family does, those are the ties that bind.

Kim, together we carried the coffin of our mother,
Sue, you and I bore the weight of another,
Whose loss left only three sisters and a brother. 

The thought of spending this Christmas alone could almost make me weep,
Only a sister could know how grateful I am for these last precious weeks,
Walking, talking, laughing until my sides ached and tears rolled down my cheeks.

Laughing at our own private jokes with all of our might,
Standing on the sidewalk with my legs crossed tight,
So I wouldn't pee my pants that hilarious night!

You both know me like no other can,
My history, my memories, who I am,
You can always know that at your side I will stand.