FAREWELLS, FRUSTRATIONS & FINAL DETAILS

I can't believe it's been six weeks since I updated this blog! So much has happened, and yet not enough has happened. As usual I've been waiting for the final details to be wrapped up before writing about what's going on and, as usual of late, wrapping things up is something that will happen "Inshallah" - translation - never immediately, with luck eventually! Actually, Inshallah means "God willing" but I think mine is a more accurate translation of how things work in this part of the world! Still, I guess I can get started on the farewells and frustrations of the past weeks.

I can call them farewells, so longs, see you laters or anything else I choose; they are still goodbyes-and I freaking hate goodbyes! It was really hard telling my students I was leaving. "But why, Miss?" "Don't leave, Miss, stay here." "We love you, Miss, we don't want you to go." Arrows that went straight to my heart! I tried to be as honest as I could with them, to explain that it had been a very difficult decision for me, that I would miss them, but that this was something I had to do. Of course I knew, and they knew, and their parents knew, that I had chosen to abandon ship. Two months into the school year I was leaving and I knew that was making things harder, not easier for my students; they were losing someone they had built a rapport with and would have to undergo a transition with a new teacher. The kids were nervous, their parents were concerned, and I was feeling decidedly torn. There were definitely moments in my last two weeks at school, when the kids were driving me around the bend, that I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying "This is why I'm leaving - because I can't do this for another eight months, you're exhausting me, I'm burning out!" There were also moments when I thought "I can't do this. Will the new teacher realize how sensitive Jaafar is? Will he recognize that Khaled and Salem act out so much because of their frustration at not being able to comprehend the work? Will he give the insecure kids the confidence they need to believe in themselves?" As has always been the case throughout my teaching career there are some children I have grown especially close to, who I will always wonder and worry about. I have email addresses and some of the kids have added me on face book so I hope we stay in touch, I would really like to know how they are doing five, even ten years from now. Of course the day came when I had to say goodbye; only about half the class were there because it was the last day of school before Eid/mid-term break. There were gifts, goodies, hugs, and almost tears - I fought hard not to cry - cos ya'll know I'm not a crier!! I had written name poems for each of the kids, trying to convey in those few words how much I cared, how deeply they had impacted my life. And then I turned them over to the care of their new teacher, "Mr. Peter".

For once the wheels of bureaucracy actually moved quickly and the teacher who replaced me was here on time to spend the last day before the school break with the class. I could tell that day that he would be good with the kids, firm but fair. What I've discovered during the past two weeks over tea(this has become an after school custom with some of my colleagues hosted by my room mate and I)Thai food(Peter and Michael, another bachelor colleague, usually choose eating out over cooking and I sometimes join them), and titillating conversation(I've dubbed this duo Morecambe and Wise - think Laurel & Hardy those of you unfamiliar with this British comedy team)is that my students are lucky to have him. He not only sees and respects Jaafar's sensitivity, he realizes that despite his complete lack of organization skills he is a very bright young boy. He recognizes why Khaled and Salem can't sit still or stay quiet; he's on top of their behaviour but is also the kind of man who will give them the support and encouragement they need. And he is the kind of teacher who will give the students who are struggling the confidence they need to believe in themselves. I can rest easy, my kids are in good hands.