Sometimes they are the women who give birth to us. Sometimes they are the women who foster or adopt us. Sometimes they are women whose paths may only briefly cross ours but who look out for us in a motherly fashion. Sometimes they are women who see our need and take us under their wing, add us to their flock.
I have been fortunate to have had a mother who was there for me even when I didn't want her to be, even when I didn't appreciate her. The woman who bore and raised me was a strong, proud woman who loved, nurtured, supported, and sacrificed for, her children. But I am not even going to attempt to do her justice in this brief message, it will be challenge enough to do that in my book. Almost 18 years after her death I still miss my mother's presence in my life. There is still an empty space in my heart, a little girl inside me who wants her mom.
I have, however, been blessed in the last 5 years to encounter 2 amazing women who hold a special place in my heart.
Minnie(who just turned 80) is a dynamic lady with a lot of chutzpa(my apologies if I spelled that incorrectly!)who started the James Bay Women's Group, which I joined about 6 months after moving to Victoria. There were many women in that group who I admired and several who had a lasting impact on my life. Minnie is receiving special attention here because the impact she has left is a mothering one. She called me "kid"(which made me feel young again), told me she was proud of me(an accolade not frequently received), and even indulged in some "mama-bragging" (relating to people I don't even know what a strong woman and good mother I am!). I thank you, Minnie, with all my heart, for the interest you took in my life and for the motherly fashion in which you looked out for me. I miss you, but our connection hasn't ended - you haven't seen the last of me! I will return to Victoria, and I still want to write that book - yours is one of the stories I want to tell!!
I didn't know anyone in Victoria when I decided to move back there in January, 2006 so I contacted old friends of my parents who live in Comox(about a 2 1/2 drive up island). I stayed with Vicky and Chuck for 2 weeks while I scouted things out, went back to Edmonton to rent a truck and pack up my things, then stayed with them for another 6 weeks while I organized a job and an apartment in Victoria. During that time Vicky took me under her wing. She rescued me from a housing nightmare I had gotten myself into, treated me like family and mothered me in a way I hadn't felt since my own mother died. I soaked it up like a plant that has gone years without rain. In the past 5 years this strong, caring woman has become my second mother. I've celebrated holidays and milestones with her family, received the same care parcels of toilet paper, stamps, food and other welcome staples as her children whenever I have visited her or she has visited me, been nagged and nurtured, even shared some eye-rolling and private, "sibling" jokes at her expense this summer(sorry, Vicky, but it was done from a place of love - and it is part of the package - we did the same to mom and my girls have done it to me!) What I learned, and accepted with such gratitude, this last visit when I went to stay for a week and ended being there for more than a month(during which time children and grandchildren were arriving to celebrate Chuck's 80th birthday and beds were getting scarce!)is that Vicky(and the less verbose, but equally welcoming and beloved Chuck)didn't just treat me like family; she opened her home and her heart to me and accepted me as part of her family. One of the things I love about Vicky is how much she liked and respected my mother, whom she always speaks of as being a real lady and to whom she has sometimes compared herself in an unflattering manner. You and mom are different in many ways, Vicky, but you are alike in one very important one. You both have mother's hearts - hearts that are open not only to the children you brought into this world, but also to the children of others, even adult children who still need mothering. My mother was proud to call you her friend in life. I know that her spirit, which still watches over her children, is grateful to you for taking one of her chicks into your nest, for the love and support you have given her daughter. I am grateful, too. Thank you, second mother, I love you!
This post was meant to be published before I left Canada; I didn't get it done on time, but I guess it is better late than never!
I have been fortunate to have had a mother who was there for me even when I didn't want her to be, even when I didn't appreciate her. The woman who bore and raised me was a strong, proud woman who loved, nurtured, supported, and sacrificed for, her children. But I am not even going to attempt to do her justice in this brief message, it will be challenge enough to do that in my book. Almost 18 years after her death I still miss my mother's presence in my life. There is still an empty space in my heart, a little girl inside me who wants her mom.
I have, however, been blessed in the last 5 years to encounter 2 amazing women who hold a special place in my heart.
Minnie(who just turned 80) is a dynamic lady with a lot of chutzpa(my apologies if I spelled that incorrectly!)who started the James Bay Women's Group, which I joined about 6 months after moving to Victoria. There were many women in that group who I admired and several who had a lasting impact on my life. Minnie is receiving special attention here because the impact she has left is a mothering one. She called me "kid"(which made me feel young again), told me she was proud of me(an accolade not frequently received), and even indulged in some "mama-bragging" (relating to people I don't even know what a strong woman and good mother I am!). I thank you, Minnie, with all my heart, for the interest you took in my life and for the motherly fashion in which you looked out for me. I miss you, but our connection hasn't ended - you haven't seen the last of me! I will return to Victoria, and I still want to write that book - yours is one of the stories I want to tell!!
I didn't know anyone in Victoria when I decided to move back there in January, 2006 so I contacted old friends of my parents who live in Comox(about a 2 1/2 drive up island). I stayed with Vicky and Chuck for 2 weeks while I scouted things out, went back to Edmonton to rent a truck and pack up my things, then stayed with them for another 6 weeks while I organized a job and an apartment in Victoria. During that time Vicky took me under her wing. She rescued me from a housing nightmare I had gotten myself into, treated me like family and mothered me in a way I hadn't felt since my own mother died. I soaked it up like a plant that has gone years without rain. In the past 5 years this strong, caring woman has become my second mother. I've celebrated holidays and milestones with her family, received the same care parcels of toilet paper, stamps, food and other welcome staples as her children whenever I have visited her or she has visited me, been nagged and nurtured, even shared some eye-rolling and private, "sibling" jokes at her expense this summer(sorry, Vicky, but it was done from a place of love - and it is part of the package - we did the same to mom and my girls have done it to me!) What I learned, and accepted with such gratitude, this last visit when I went to stay for a week and ended being there for more than a month(during which time children and grandchildren were arriving to celebrate Chuck's 80th birthday and beds were getting scarce!)is that Vicky(and the less verbose, but equally welcoming and beloved Chuck)didn't just treat me like family; she opened her home and her heart to me and accepted me as part of her family. One of the things I love about Vicky is how much she liked and respected my mother, whom she always speaks of as being a real lady and to whom she has sometimes compared herself in an unflattering manner. You and mom are different in many ways, Vicky, but you are alike in one very important one. You both have mother's hearts - hearts that are open not only to the children you brought into this world, but also to the children of others, even adult children who still need mothering. My mother was proud to call you her friend in life. I know that her spirit, which still watches over her children, is grateful to you for taking one of her chicks into your nest, for the love and support you have given her daughter. I am grateful, too. Thank you, second mother, I love you!
This post was meant to be published before I left Canada; I didn't get it done on time, but I guess it is better late than never!
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