WHAT THE HELL HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?! (Part One)

I just finished my 3rd week with my students and have yet to blog about the experience; I know some of you have been wondering at my silence.   I was asking myself the question "What the hell have I gotten myself into?" even before I met my class.  The first week of September was 'teacher's week' as we prepared for the students(actually, saying we 'prepared' is stretching it a bit), and had general staff/admin meetings.  At one of these meetings the subject of discipline was discussed for such an extremely long time-my first red flag!- that I wrote on my writing pad to the teacher sitting next to me(a young woman from New Zealand) "Are you getting the impression that this is a problem here?"  Well, the answer to that question is yes-it's a huge problem here. After days spent getting my classroom ready for my students(putting up posters, borders, arranging desks, sorting texts, notebooks, etc) came my very first 'real' day.  I arrived at school about 6:45am as prepared as I could be for my "5 Yellow" class of 16 students.  Every morning we have a staff briefing in the library at 7:10 after which we head straight to the quad for the bell that rings at 7:20.  We line our class up and take part in the flag ceremony(cheers, national anthem, reading from the Quaran in Arabic and English-done by students),then escort our class to our classroom.  After the briefing-and just before I had to meet and pick up my class-I was told we were down a teacher.  Instead of 4 year(grade) 5 classes there were now 3-my class was now "5 Blue"- 29 students, in a different classroom.  My briefcase and personal supplies were in my original classroom-couldn't leave 29 kids alone to go get them.  I had no idea where the teacher who had prepared my new classroom had put anything.  It was a chaotic disaster that only got worse.  In the afternoon a teacher came in to teach the Arabic(or religion-wasn't sure in the confusion!) lesson, while I was conferring with him two boys got into a fight-an all-out, punches flying  fist fight.  My colleague(a man) did absolutely nothing-while I was breaking up the fight a chair was knocked onto my foot, cutting the big toe on my left foot.  I was shocked, pissed off, and bleeding-not a good start to my teaching career in Kuwait.(three weeks later it is still tender, has a black bruise and I don't know if I will lose the nail or not).  I dragged myself home from school that day, the enthusiasm and hope of the morning replaced by despair.  I went online that night and responded to some responses to applications I had received just prior to arriving in Kuwait.  The next morning I spoke to the principal and told him that I didn't want to be a classroom teacher(has never been my first choice during this whole job search procedure), that my preference was in ESL, I knew the school needed an esl teacher(one of the ones hired had not arrived), and that I wanted to be considered for the position.  I also told him I was checking out other options.  He asked me to give him a week and he would see what he could do.  During that week(and continuing for the past two weeks)  I feel like I have been on a rollercoaster ride-and anyone who knows me knows I HATE rollercoasters!  One day I feel like I can't spend another day here, the next day I feel that there is no way I can abandon my students now.  And my students are not bad kids-despite the rough start I had.  They are not really much different from kids anywhere-they are kids-they talk too much, they don't listen, they constantly seek teacher attention, they drive me crazy!  They are, however, not mean-spirited kids-they are likable, and funny, and charming, and worthy of my time and my care, and I like them!  One-to-one, or in small groups I would have a great experience with them.  In a classroom of 26(my present class), in a school environment where the students have grown accustomed to a severe lack of discipline and consequences, in a culture that appears to tolerate behavior I am not accustomed to tolerating, my experience will be extremely frustrating to unbearable.  After a week my principal got back to me; the powers above him decided it was easier to find and esl teacher than another year 5 teacher so their solution was to do what worked best for them-keep me where I am and hire someone else for the esl position.  During that week I had pretty much decided that even if I got an offer to teach esl at a college or university(the work and experience I have been looking for all along) I would stay at this school if they offered me the esl position-because I don't want to abandon my students, and I don't want to abandon my colleauges(who I think are the friendliest, most welcoming bunch I have ever worked with), and I know I would enjoy working with Flo(a wonderful young woman from London), the other esl teacher.  But, I wasn't given that option, and in that refusal, came my resolve to do what is best for me, for my career.  Still, in these last 2 weeks I have grown closer to my students-even though I've had some really bad days-and it will be difficult to leave them if I go.

If the frustration of the students was the only issue it wouldn't be so bad-they are the same issues one finds anywhere-but there is so much more going on here.  The lack of resources is appalling-i have no teacher guides, no answer keys(that means hours of extra work just there), no basic supplies.  I can download resources from the internet onto a flashdrive and take it to school-but then there is no working computer or printer for me to use!  I am barely treading water keeping up with everything that needs doing. Classrooms are so small-some of them in terrible shape, the roof is leaking in one of the stairwells-an extremely dangerous situation.  The children(about300 of them at my age group-grade 3-5)  spend their two 20 minute breaks in a very small quad in the middle of the school.  It is technically outdoors-canvas roof, tile floor-gets quite hot.  There is no play equipment and they are not allowed to run!  They are in school from about 7am until 2:10-and during their breaks they have nothing to play on and are not allowed to run!  I supervise on break each day and spend 20 minutes yelling(only way to be heard)at kids to stop running(which i feel so bad about doing!), grabbing the kids who ignore me and keep running past me, and breaking up fights. At the end of that 2o minutes I am at the end of my rope, ready to cry. On top of that we are being bombarded with administrative demands-"your marking must be done like this", "you need to do long, medium, and short term goals and hand them in", etc., etc.  I(and everyone else) am frustrated to the point of despair-I don't have the tools I need to do my job-and yet I am being held accountable for doing that job!

And then there is the company that owns and runs the school.  We all have id cards and must clock in(at 7am) and out(at 2:45) each day-not what i'm used to, but i can live with it.  What i don't accept is that if we clock in one minute late, or clock out one minute early-we will be deducted a half day's pay!  I get to school between 6:30 and 6:45 every day, I leave between 3 and 5-depending on how much marking I have to do-and yet I face losing half a day's pay if i'm one minute late arriving or one minute early leaving!  That is not an acceptable way to treat a professional as far as I am concerned.

I really want to finish this before posting it but some colleagues are heading out for lunch(our friday is your saturday) and i could really use a break so i am going to join them.  i know if i try to save this i will end up losing it-so i guess i'll finish it when i get home!  adieu, adieu, remember me!